So, this video/song “Brave” by Sara Bareilles is how I think I wanna get back into the swing of my weekly posting. I know I’ve been gone for a L-O-N-G time…literally one month, and a day, if you wanna get technical; but, I”m back…or at least, I’m trying to be. I’m putting the necessary plans in place to make sure that my scheduled posts get on here in a timely manner as they should.
Anyway, I really love this song even though it’s been on the scene for ages, but it’s where I wanna start. During this period I’ve been absent, this message has been pretty important to me. Everyone needs this reminder to be brave, not just in their words, but also in their actions. It’s been a tough month for me. First there was school chaos to deal with including picking up a course way late in the semester because of some confusion on the school’s part. I also had the usuals of assignments, tests and presentations to attend to. There were also a few issues at home and elsewhere that were really just tearing me apart. Through all of this the hardest part was saying how I was feeling and coming to terms with the fear that I was experiencing.
What fear you may ask? I was literally flunking my courses! I was so lost when it came to all my academics that I was literally ready to just forfeit finals and call them all resits. In some of my courses, I really hadn’t started off that badly but with the increased stress and just way too much going on in my head space, even those courses I was supposedly good at (like my Creative Writing Elective) started becoming quite challenging. It was so bad that it reached a point where I got an assignment and literally wrote my proposed ideas in bullet points because I was literally having trouble composing actual sentences. *sigh* Yes, I was really in a dismal state. And with finals rapidly approaching, I just felt that there was no way for me to learn the whole semester’s content in time to pass the courses. I was so scared of everything. I didn’t know where to start trying to learn the material, but I was also scared to ask for help because I just didn’t know how someone would be able to bring me up to speed having their own studies to concentrate on.
In addition, I had some “relationship issues” that were really taking a toll on me, and that’s pretty odd considering that I’ve been single for about 2 years! LoL! But, I’ve just been in an odd place with this guy and it’s just been one of those situations where half the time you’re saying to yourself “awww, he really does care! Maybe it IS all worth it!” and then the rest of the time you’re thinking “am I out of my mind for still going through this?”…smh…just one of those things.
AND THEN, there has been the case of my family and just feeling oppressed by everything going on. Being 20-y-o and living under my parents’ roof is a rough situation to be in, especially when they’re idea of keeping you “in line” and being JUST protective, is keeping me under more restrictions than an 11-y-o really. So, standing up to my parents to get my point on certain things across has been a real task because you don’t want to be disrespectful, but at the same time, they need to loosen up; therefore, finding that middle ground enough so to speak up has been another obstacle to overcome.
Finally, there’s been the REALLY BIG THING: It’s summer!!! *cue the sun’s golden rays, sun shades and cool breezy days* AAAHHHHHH!!! B-) Anyway, this year, I’ll hopefully be spending my summer in the US of A on a Work and Travel program! At first I wasn’t too keen on the idea of it all because a few friends went last year and it was really expensive to go, and because they were all trying to make back the money they spent and a little extra, they hardly had the time to get in the real fun and cultural experience that the program is about. But, thanks to my lovely, interfering mother, (God bless her soul!), the ball is already rolling RE: plans for me to be out of here on the program by the end of this week actually!!! Isn’t that crazy and wonderful?!?! This whole thing is going to be pretty scary, but guess what? I’m ready for the challenge! I’m taking the bull by the horns and getting ready to show you how big my brave is!
There are so many crazy things going on in my life right now, but the chorus of the song says:
“Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave”
So guys, how about we try it together for this week, okay? Even though we may be scared to let people know what’s really on our minds or how we feel because we’re afraid of being judged or ridiculed or whatever, let’s all just be brave!
Til next week, or maybe even later this week my loves, and remember, to show how big your brave is!
xoxo, from where my 7 dreams grow…
P.S. I will definitely be putting the plans in place to make sure those week posts get to you guys each week! Especially now, since I’m going on an adventure and would love for you to share in that experience with me!