Ok, so I wasn’t dead, but honestly I’m not sure there’s any other way to explain why I haven’t posted in the longest while. I would try to apologize, but I mean, there’s really not much to say. I was just busy and had a whole lot going on, and couldn’t think of any interesting content to post.
Or at least that’s what I thought my reason was…Then, the reality hit me.
I had been telling myself these things as excuses, but it couldn’t have been more further from the truth. In all actuality, my reason for being absent was much simpler than those reasons. I mean, there was A TON of truth to my being busy and so on, considering the circumstances, but on the other hand there was really was no premise for my justification.
The truth is that I was transitioning and wasn’t sure how it’d be taken to. I was going through a plethora of pretty serious personal issues, and having intended to have this be my kind of open, public journal, I realized I wasn’t sure how much was too much to share here. You see, I’ve realized that people write on either what they are familiar with and have groundings in their own experiences or they write about what they wish to be true as it flows from their imaginative faculties. I’m a bit of a walking contradiction because I can be very open, without actually saying too much, which is kind of what I’d been doing here. However, being open and talking bold is easy to do when your subjects aren’t aware of what you may be saying about them, and your readers are not people you have to interact with in your normal, everyday life. You see, I don’t publicize this blog at all. So if you’ve found your way here, you’ve done it on your own. You obviously saw and read something one day that captivated you until its last punctuation, and then you decided that maybe another day you’d come back for more, and for that I’m immensely grateful. But, as it pertains to friends and family, they know not that this URL exists and I doubt they would take kindly to being the subjects of my musings at times. As it pertains to the persons I actually have directed to this my little zone (usually people who I kind say it might be a good idea to “let in”), they’re either not good with giving feedback or I’m just a terrible writer, so that is also not very welcoming. Hence, as I let people into this, my little domain one by one, I’ve realized that I’ve become guarded in what I willing to say. I wasn’t sure how they would take to them.
In trying to hone my writing skills, find my voice, and put my thoughts together and deliver it whether it be in poem, prose or just random ramblings like this, I just wasn’t sure where I stood for a while and feel like I lost my way. Everything was out of whack. I had a lot on my mind, but had no clue how to translate it into adequate and enticing subject matter.
Additionally, I didn’t want to risk the material being “too dark” as a friend told me it was. But the problem with that was I write how I feel in the given moment, or at least I do for the majority of the posts. Therefore if I’m having a cloudy day, you’re going to get one of two kinds of posts: either one filled with the gloom I’m experiencing or one filled with me trying to reach past they and find the sunshiny silver lining.
Anyway, I’m not fan of making excuses as, in the words of Benjamin Franklin, “he that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else” and according to George Washington and Jordan Belfort respectively, “it is better to offer no excuse than a bad one” because “the only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it”. So that’s not what I’m here for. Rather, I’m just here to tell myself actually, more so than you guys, my readers, that it is time to write again. I’m think I’m ready, and if I’m not, I’m going to make myself be! I’m back and I know what I want to say. I know that I won’t have unlimited time to write and that content will not just hit me in the face and fall from the heavens (well, it may, but I have to be in an open frame of mind to see the possibilities that can come from it). When I first signed up to do the blog on here, I was told to set a posting goal and knowing that I live the life of a tertiary level student, I opted for one post per week. Therefore, I’ll be trying to go back to that and fulfill that goal I set for myself and obligation to the readers who decide that my words have value. And who knows? From time to time, I might even do more than one a week.
And just so you know, I’ve writing this and being sure I want to post it for at least a week now, so this is it.
So, I guess that’s it for now. Peace out folks!
xoxo, from where my 7 dreams grow…
P.S. I started writing this from my little slice of God’s backyard as someone called it :)