Day 3

As you can clearly see, I’m absolute shaving cream at this consistency thing; but it wasn’t completely my fault. Anyway, I won’t make anymore excuses; I’m just going to do my part and get to writing the next thing.
Day 3 – Write a letter to your younger self

Dear Rynzi,

You might not know me yet, but I know you, and all I’d like to say to you is two simple words: JUST BREATHE.

Now I know exactly what’s happening to you at this very minute: you’re freaking out on the inside. For whatever reason, your insides are ripping themselves apart and your heart is racing as you hyperventilate. Your mind is sprinting faster than your current favourite animal in it’s natural habitat (the cheetah on an African Savannahh), and it’s not necessarily because you’re reading a letter from someone you don’t know who knows you, which can seem super creepy, but I assure you, it’s not. And even in the midst of all this internal panic, two things stand out about you: 1) you’re completely un-phased on the outside and 2) you’re already in the process of shelving whatever is causing you this turmoil in some dark corner or your mind, to put someone else’s problem on a pedestal.

This, my dear child, will be your blessing and your curse. You don’t have to love it and you might hate it, but what’s most important is that you learn to live with it, because it’s here to stay. It will take you to and through many hard times. People will use you over and over and over again because of this trait, and for a while it will hurt, but remember that your job is to help and love your fellow man in any way you possibly can, and that may mean doing it without receiving any recognition, gratitude or even remembrance. But that’s okay. You don’t do it for the affirmation; you do it because it’s the right thing to do and it’s you God-given purpose in life.

Rynz, learn to love yourself for all that you are and respect yourself. Trust yourself, for you are smarter than you think and braver than you feel and you know exactly what you like and what you dislike and what you want and don’t want. Unfortunately, you’re going to waste time trying to please the onlookers and that’s fine, as long as you learn from it that you can never please them because they’ll never be satisfied with you and the more you try to be who they want you to be, the more you miss the mark of who you want to be and were intended to be. So wear what you want, like the music they don’t like, keep your nose stuck in those books, write your poetry and do whatever the hell you want to your hair (within reason of course; you know your hair is fragile)! And sweetie, you don’t have to be friends with persons you don’t want to be friends with, no matter what circumstances threw you both into one of life’s rooms and the fact that you were “chosen”. Break away from the pack sooner than later, okay? You know why? Because you are amazing and will inspire many with your fierce spirit of unapologetic YOUNESS! They will never admit it, but you will know! And you know what? It won’t affect you because it doesn’t matter, and that will be the greatest reward of all.

Also, learn to love your imperfections, but do not necessarily try to change them. Be self-aware, without being overly critical. You will come across many people who will love you as long as you allow them to used you, but in the first moments they don’t have their way, will do everything in their power to tear you apart. They may figure out some of your flaws, but those flaws don’t have to be your weaknesses too. Know yourself and you will stand before any adversary and walk away victorious.

Learn to forgive yourself. You carry so much shame and regret for things that were never your fault and you let them trap you in almost a kind of remembered stasis. Don’t let that happen! It wasn’t your fault and you know that! Stop trying to protect someone else’s feelings! You care almost to a fault. The other person has long released you; when will you release yourself?

You’re allowed to make mistakes, but never to have regrets. Why? Because having regrets mean that if you had the chance to do things over without having to face the consequence, you would. Accept responsibility for your actions, the good and the bad, and deal with the counteractions by learning from them. Don’t have regrets; learn lessons and move on.

You will experience much loneliness in your life, and it will bring many dark days, but do not be afraid. Much of it will be inflicted; much much more of it will be self-imposed, but it doesn’t matter. Do not fill the stillness with noise, but learn to listen to the essence of your soul that keeps crying out to you, trying to get your attention; it is your best friend and it is trying to tell you something….let it. And when you’ve learned to hear this voice in the silence, learn next to distinguish it in the midst of the noise. In doing so you will have a powerful skill you will come to find that not many people possess, and it will serve you well. This voice brings the insight that makes you feel as deeply as you do and allows you to create art that affects those who you allow to experience it and the insight that so many will turn to you for in their times of uncertainty and need. Be a light and bring insight that you will realize people crave and relish. Befriend the voice and it will never forsake you…even when others do.

Lastly, never let go of God. You are going to have many rough patches, some that will come precariously close to knocking you out. You are strong, but your strength will fail; but God will carry you through. You will not go unscathed, but you will overcome by His might and power. Trust and obey. Continue to have that personal relationship with God and don’t let a soul interfere; not your parents, or friends or the church or anyone else. Just walk the road ordained for you with God and everything will come together as it should.

A few other reminders:

  1. When you light the stove, don’t start another project and try to multitask. Please! You’ve already burned water twice!
  2. Learn to make the basic meals mom is showing you, they’re literally going to save your life! If not, make sure you know where you can access a microwave and can-opener!
  3. That black shirt you weren’t sure about, get 50 of them! They’re gonna be life savers! Get the 4 pairs of black jeans too! You guys are gonna be besties! And wear the baseball cap and tell that lady who’s gonna tell you it’s not ladylike to shove it!
  4. Brush your teeth at night! Seriously! Do it! And don’t fall asleep in your makeup you lazy b***h! Wash your face and put the damn cream on!
  5. Yeah, I know the book is dope af, but stop reading such fine print and in such dim lighting! Trying on your friend’s glasses made you look cute, but it gets old fast when you step from the AC’ed car into the hot day and the lenses fog up causing you temporary blindness…but contacts ARE an option. Consider them sooner than later!
  6. Start saying “yes” instead of maybe…you KNOW exactly what I’m talking about.
  7. Be nicer to your parents; you’re a “good” kid but you have an attitude sometimes. Tone it down, they’re doing the best they can and JD is watching.
  8. Good job keeping your anger in check! Keep it up!
  9. That thing you wanna do, JUST DO IT! You’re always gonna wonder “what if?” and crave it and it can only serve to better you and give you life experience.

All in all, keep moving forward, little lovely. You’re going to make it through. Okay? Okay.

Love,

Me-The older, but still learning and growing you :)

P.S. The convent is ALWAYS an option! LOL!

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