The rain pattered unto the cafe storefront, as the sky did exactly what she felt like she’d been holding in all day. From stepping into work that morning, she couldn’t catch a break! You’d think the earphones, recluse and straight face would give persons the right “DO NOT DISTURB” impression, but alas, her expectations were proven wrong and efforts proven futile, as life often likes to do. She sighed, “I wonder if anyone else has ever reached that point where they just find it really hard to look from one day to the next? ‘Cause I sure as hell am there right now…”
She plugged her earphones in and allowed her tapping on her laptop to replace the drizzles on the window, and mesh with the track that’s first notes rang out.
She’d always loved a Taylor Swift song lyric as much as the next person, especially when Ed Sheeran was in the mix, but their hit song from her Red album, now sailing her along this alternate stream of consciousness, to a very scary realization. Not so much about “puppy love”, but more so about other things. The fact of the matter is that, as it related to all that she knew and thought she knew and just about all the possible things between…EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED.
Lifting her head from the laptop screen where she’d been focused on those blurred lines, she switched her gaze out to the brooding sky and remembered back then. Even though physically she was quite those days of frilly pink things and pigtails, somewhere in her mind, she remained that little girl who wanted to dream and twirl and view the world with whimsical wonder and see only hope and joy and all those pretty little things; but life had wrecked all of that. It left her bitter and and angry and more confused than anything else.
For now she stood, at this crossroad with infinite forks leading to different destinations, not knowing where to go or how to get there. Most traveled in large throngs; others with a companion or two, but she was alone of this journey. Or so she felt. Passers-by and all the best travel guides told her things like “No matter how rocky the terrain, remember to stop and smell the roses”, but she just couldn’t, when there were always thunderstorms, pelting the roses to a pulp, and her along with them. She knew that it could be nice to be an optimistic and see life’s glass as half full, but she would end up doing herself a great deal of injustice by doing that, because the fact of the matter is that life isn’t always nice and fair. It will let you down and hurt you, and if you aren’t prepared for that it could absolutely crush you; She knew that firsthand. She’d wanted to smell the roses, but ‘once bitten, twice shy’, and with her thrice was not going to be the charm! On the other hand, she knew that holding on to negativity was toxic and robbed of all the most magically fleeting moments; but she had found a beauty in her pain, and acknowledging it, gave her an unyielding strength to stay her course that just lollipops and gumdrops would never afford.
So she sat to rest a while, from her journey here in the middle of Life’s Labyrinth, that’s she comes back to time and time again. This time it’s posing as this extorting coffee house in the “nice part” of town, where she’s just done her adult duties: She’s just completed 1 of many VERY trying 9 to 5’s. Today, just like everyday, she’s given up and of her personal space, her time, her energy, her mental faculties, her emotional strength, her creative juices, her patience, her listening ear, her financial support…a piece of her soul, to do what she’s supposed to do: BE GROWN. She is tasked with cultivated positive growth in our young ones, something she never thought she’d do, but doesn’t completely regret. She is finally alone (or as alone as you can be around other people) for the first time since 7 AM, able to breathe through these electronic lungs in the form of this laptop, wifi connection and syllables on a blank page, trying to make something of a dream.
She is tired. She is frustrated. She is questioning everything. She is the same. But…
She is strong. She is determined. She knows there’s method to her madness. She will keep going because God and Mama did’t raise no quitter. She is different. She has changed. I have changed.
EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED.
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UPDATE: I’m really not good at this “keeping up-to-date” thing. I sincerely tried and failed. But I will keep trying again until I get the hang of it. Would you believe I started this post some time in February 2015? I never had any idea where to go with it, so I shelved it until this year when I queued it up with other pre-written entries to go. The problem was I scheduled it with the intention of forcing myself to fix and/complete it before the publishing date arrived, but things didn’t go as planned. So it ended up being published for a split second before I made it private. Then just now as I was rewriting FROM SCRATCH, it took on a life of its own and…now we’re here!
xoxo, from where my 7 dreams grow…