So…Isn’t it funny how we keep finding ourselves in this position? Like when some significant other is found in a compromising position and they’re all “It’s not what it looks like!”, but it really couldn’t be anything else? Yeah, this is the one where I disappeared without a trace or warning for an unspecified length of time and you knew not to call the cops because I was probably just under a rock somewhere… Yup, it happened again, BUT! I have a valid excuse!
Okay…I actually don’t. I was gone because I had a bit of a vacation 2 weeks ago for 2 weeks and really needed that time to decompress. Then after getting back to work, I needed those two weeks to get back into the groove of things and deal with some unforeseen circumstances. Then illness, in the form of a massive chest infection, had its way with me. But what SHOULD BE important is that we’re here now, and for what better reason than to rave about some UH-MAY-ZING fellow bloggers of mine!
Even though I don’t really blog for the views, but rather as a means of self-expression, it always makes me excited to know that someone new has crossed paths with this essence of me. It makes it even more exciting when they leave like or comment or reach out to me to let me know their thoughts about my content. It’s especially meaningful to me when someone I know personally interacts with me through my blog because it means that they’ve taken the time to venture into this part of me that I sort of share, but also sort of hide away. That’s why getting that email update to say that my blogosphere and real-life friend (yes, I’ve known her since high school) Eura (check her out!!!), nominated this online world of mine for an award, I was stunned! So thanks boo, it means more than you know!
The rules of this award:
1. Acknowledge the blog who nominated you and display the award.
2. Answer the 11 questions the blogger gives you.
3. Give 11 random facts about yourself.
4. Nominate 11 blogs.
5. Notify those blogs of the nomination.
6. Give them 11 questions to answer.
So here are the 11 questions she left for me and I’m telling you, they’re a doozy! She definitely chose all the hard/deep ones:
1. What are your favorite books? I would answer, but I actually have a whole post on them right here, so maybe pop by there to read all about them. Hopefully you’ll wanna pick up a few a peruse them yourself.
2. After a long day what do you do to relax? It really depends on what made the day “long”. Regardless, long days usually end with me collapsing into bed and almost instantly falling asleep. If not, maybe just gearing down and getting horizontal with a book or my phone to watch YouTube or Netflix or aimlessly scroll through social media. Oh, and a mug of warm milk is almost always involved!
3. If your house was on fire and you could only save one thing what would it be? Good question. No idea to be honest. I’m guessing you’re not asking about the practical answers like important documents or something, so I’m really not sure. I’m not particularly attached to objects. The odds are that I’d most likely already have my phone in my hand or on my person. My next option would probably be my bullet journal, because after an experience like that, I’m sure I’d have some emotions I’d need to purge from my system so having somewhere to write them would be a necessity.
4. If you could build your own partner (wife, husband, boyfriend,girlfriend) from scratch what would they be like? Why is Eura putting me on the spot? LOL! Ummm…It may sound as if I don’t have a clue, but I actually do know what I’d like, but I’m VERY private about that stuff and talk about it much…except in the one-off prayer when I feel an exceeding pang of loneliness, which is actually way less often than you’d think.
5. Which movie can you watch over and over and not get bored? Easy! The Parent Trap, 1993 version with breakout-star-turned-train-wreck-turned-activist, Lindsay Lohan. I love that movie a scary amount. I can actually almost recite the movie verbatim. It drives my brother insane, so he refuses to watch it with me, but my parents always call my attention to it when it’s on TV. And of course it’s a permanent fixture on my Netflix list. I love Pocahontas too!
6. Pen or Pencil? and why? Pen. Freely create and take things on with confidence and without inhibition. Be bold and deliberate in your strokes. Should you make mistakes, simply strike a line through and keep writing. I say this for both art and life. Stop relying on a crutch and craving safety nets. Without risk, their is no pleasure and no glory.
7. What’s your pet peeve? To be honest, that could be a whole post by itself. But currently, I’m experiencing real irritation with people who are opportunists. You know the ones who are quick to drop names and tell you about their weekends and night out like you actually care even though you 100% didn’t ask. The persons who feel entitled to you, whether in terms of your time or talents or energy or resources, and operate accordingly. The ones who feel the need to create mountains out of molehills and create floods from drizzles. The persons who “pocket” you upon meeting you to keep you for a “rainy day” when you may come in handy for them. Those persons who do not know how to give a genuine complement to save their lives. Those self-righteous walking contradictions. Those guys? Yeah, they really get under my skin.
8. What is your greatest fear? Once again, I have those “bigger-picture” answers like failure and the future, just like everyone else. But more so, I’m afraid of fear itself. I have anxiety and depression and every day I fear that my fears will cause me to not be able to live my fullest life, and will get in the way of living my dreams. In addition, I fear that I’m a shit big sister to my brother, that I don’t set a good example for him or support him enough or inspire him or anything like that, as much as I truly try. I also fear never finding one person who I can be my complete self with; not necessarily a romantic partner, but just someone. And on the same wavelength, I fear being rejected and replaced by the people I care about, especially since it either seems to happen on it’s own, or I cause it because I’m a spazz.
Those are the things that keep me up at night.
Also, frogs; I’m scared shitless of those vermin!
9. If you had a chance for a “do-over” in life, what would you do differently? Nothing. I would not do anything differently because it’s past mistakes and experiences that have perpetuated wisdom and self-awareness. I make it my point of duty to learn my life-lessons diligently and therefore, getting a do-over is unnecessary. I would however, spend more time with loved-ones who have now past or I’m distant from. Not to say that I didn’t spend a lot of time with them then, but now that they’re not around, I would love to have more memories to look back on. Trust me, all the ones I have are already played out.
10. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why? Australia. Sydney. The highest point of the harbor bridge. It’s an almost spiritual place for me, even though I’ve never been there. I feel like it’s just somewhere I need to go. For some reason, Australia in general feels like my “great big somewhere”; that place where I will live my best life and all the things will happen to me and it will be magic. Also, since it’s coming up to summer though, I wish I could go to Timber Lake Camp in Shandaken, New York. I worked there last summer, and met the most amazing people and had an awesome time, and just enjoyed it so much I wish I was returning this year, but alas, it cannot be. Or at least not this year…but for next year, who knows?
11. What do you want your tombstone to say? Again with the dropping these bomb questions. I had to process this one for a few days. It’s funny, I think often of dying, but I’ve never considered that part. I know I don’t want a funeral or any obituary. I’ve always said I’ll leave letters to the ones who touched my life, in the best and worst ways. I’ve wondered if I’ll slip away into the night, or steal away from this life, or be stolen in a tragedy or go down in a blaze of glory, but I’ve never considered that. I think I’d rather my tombstone give a piece instruction, rather than say something about me. For now, I’m thinking…”Stop. Think. Inhale. Listen. Exhale. Go Forth.” It may sound facetious but I honestly do not know one situation in which doing this combination of things cannot help you.
That was harder than I thought it would be. But this next step might just be the hardest part yet…
11 Facts about me:
- I hate answering questions about myself, or just talking about myself in general. It is one of the hardest things you can ask me to do, but not for the reason you’re probably thinking.
- I have been formally diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. It’s a thing. It’s a part of me, but not who I am, and every day I wake up and function is me SLAYING and WINNING AT LIFE and I WILL continue to give myself credit for that. I ask for no pity; just awareness and understanding.
- I’m an owl. My mind comes alive at night which is truly a bother at times, because I’ll be inspired at 2AM but exhausted from the day so I can’t function enough to write or do whatever.
- No matter how confident I may look, or seem like I have it together, the truth is I’M ALWAYS TREADING WATER, with my head just above the surface.
- That “treading water” reference is laughable since that’s something I don’t know how to do. Like seriously, I can swim from point A to B, but if you tell me to stop in the middle, I’m a goner. The irony is that I can float on my back, so don’t ask me how that not being able to tread comes in.
- I’m not a fan of raising my voice, EVER. I do not like to shout. I detest having to shout and utterly hate when people are loud for no reason, especially when referring to me or trying to get my attention. The very worst thing you can do is shout my name if you glimpse me on the road. Even if I do hear you, odds are that I’m gonna keep moving; so save yourself the trouble and give me a quick call.
- I’m the most calculated person you’ll ever meet. Even a “spur of the moment” decision is a complete sham because I’ve either considered the situation, circumstances and consequences extensively prior to it being a real thing, or I’ve done a quick on the spot evaluation. Either way, I do NOTHING on a whim. Oh, and I hardly ever miscalculate.
- Coming off of that last fact, I’m an adrenaline junkie. I’m that person who is always ready to make really make “bad decisions” regarding doing crazy things. Roller coasters? YES! Expeditions? SURE! Anything that can possibly cause you to be severely injured or extreme heart palpitations? I’M IN!
- Only thing I’m not adventurous with is food. Not a foodie. I’m a vegetarian (closer to a pescatarian, but in all honesty I’m not really a “fish” fan) and I have insane sinus. So that rules out lots of foods and just about anything spicy. Plus, I have a bad history with my weight and body image so food has always kinda been “the enemy”, even when simple genetics was to blame.
- I love young people, and it’s really important to me to be for/to them that older accessible person that cares, that I didn’t have while growing up. I don’t want them to feel alone at a time in life where everything that they face can be so confusing and feel like the end of their world.
- I love physical contact, like hugs, but I hate how imposed it is these days where people feel a sense of entitlement to getting them from you. I do not want to shake your hand or hug you as a greeting. I do not need a pat on the back on squeeze around my shoulders when you see or are going to leave me and I do not feel awkward about that. Waves, smiles, nods and actual words are completely adequate salutations. Just stop!
- I am moved by EVERYTHING and it doesn’t take much to make my heart waver.
- BONUS – That wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, but I have no clue what I’m going to write for the next section.
11 Questions For The Nominees:
- If you had to lose one of your 5 senses, which one would you part with and why?
- What keeps you up at night?
- Why did you begin blogging?
- How does inspiration for your blog posts come to you?
- Where is your “great big somewhere” and what do you hope will greet you there?
- Who would you like to play “you” in a movie and why?
- What part/Who would they play in said movie (protagonist, antagonist, omni-present narrator) and why?
- Describe a scene from said movie, that would be your favorite and explain why.
- What is your strangest dream you can remember?
- What is the next big decision you have to make?
- What was the last thing that truly moved you?
That wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Unfortunately, I do not have 11 blogs to nominate because I do not use this platform half as much as I wish I really did. But still, these few are definitely my go-to’s!
- Drew-Kiercey Whittaker- shadysardonix
- Kerine Wint – Self-written Expose
- Aliceia Dawkins – asdawkins
- Tara-Elizabeth Downs – nodownsyndrome
- Vanessa Roseway – in between poetry and prose
And I think I’ve done it. I completed the Liebster Award requirements. Hope you guys enjoyed getting to know me a bit and found some new blogs in the meanwhile.
xoxo, from where my 7 dreams grow,